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What If

No matter the length of time
There are moments in each day
When my mind wonders and ponders
On the what if’s
What if you were beside me
What if I could touch your face
What if I could hold your hand
What if I could feel your heartbeat
All the what if’s won’t bring you back
But I know you are near
In the light and in the shadow
The moment I think about you i smile
Because I know you are right beside me
Supporting me in all my dreams & hopes
Will love you forever and a day
Goodbye dear one
It is time for you to rest and be happy

✻ƸӜƷ✻~Much Love & Butterfly Kisses~ ✻ƸӜƷ✻

Darlene (Mama D) Angel

My heart will smile again

When I open my heart and allow someone one in, sometimes I don’t have a choice that is just the way my heart seems to work.
I know that one day my heart will get shattered, but those special moments those irritating get on my last nerve moments are the glue that helps to heal the cracks.
My heart will smile again

Things Won’t Change

You meet someone

And it just clicks

You think somewhat the same

You don’t have to explain yourself

You can sit together and work

And knowing they are there things just flow

Not even the same project

Something happens and a spark ignites

And things change

Your connection is deeper

You can feel their breathing

You can feel their heart beat

And your heart just seem to fly

But you know it can never be

And one pulls away

And things change

You swear to remain friends

That things won’t change

And then things change

And they are gone

And they said things would never change

What Are We

What are we?

We talked, we laughed and we cried

We held each other through the smallest

To the most traumatic of moments

We are not friends

We are not siblings

We are not lovers

(In the physical sense)

We are not of the same blood

But we are of the same heart

And our minds are in sync

You held my soul with such tenderness

That I knew I was safe

I could look into your eyes

And see the endless possibilities

And the heights

Of which we could travel

Who are we?

Where are we?

What are we?


Read the words of the first Phoenix i have ever met


Life is a constant spiral
As we progress, we can look back and revisit areas of our lives with greater knowledge and the ability to examine what we thought we knew, with deeper insight.

I can look back on the last 20 odd years of my life and attribute everything that has happened to one single event, one 40 minute period where my life changed significantly.

I suffered a back injury that stopped my professional horse riding career, and everything I had dreamed and worked towards for my entire life came to an abrupt end.
I had a choice. Carry on riding horses, risk permanent damage and life in a wheelchair, or stop.
I would have taken the risk if it had not been for the birth of my first child. I had made a conscious decision to be a single mother after my relationship had foundered. I do not regret a single moment
The minute I accepted full responsibility for another life, my path changed again.
Through necessity, I spent 18 months homeless with my son shortly after he was born.
It wasn’t the most cheerful existence.
The bed and breakfast hostel provided temporary shelter to transient families, often traumatised and frequently in trouble with the police. The half-way house was not much better. I kept my doors locked at all times and my interactions low.
Without the exposure to the desperate levels people can find themselves in, I definitely would not have become such a strong and independent person with a streetwise knowledge of how to survive and keep myself out of trouble and likely to have been content to sit in a tiny suburban flat for the rest of my days.
I certainly would never have left the UK to chase what seemed to be an impossible dream.
If I hadn’t chased my dreams, I would not have had the life experiences that have brought me to this point today.
Being abused by a psychopath was never on my to-do list.
However, I would not have been able to develop the level of compassion that I now have, or be able to hold space for others who are walking that road.
If I had not been successful in business, I would never have known what I was truly capable of, or how far I can push my limits, physically and mentally.
If I had not experienced life as one of the ‘entitled rich’, I would never be able to understand the full meaning of ‘money doesn’t make you happy’ although it is easier to cry in a Mercedes rather than on a bike.
If I hadn’t been struggling at near poverty level for the last few years, I would never have developed the resilience and appreciation for the small pleasures that I now enjoy.

My life experiences have made me a better person in so many different ways. None of them were easy. At the time I often believed my entire world was collapsing, but something made me get up every morning, put one foot after the other and keep going, even if the tears would not stop running down my face.

Admittedly, some days I didn’t get very far, but one step forward is always better than none at all.

We keep walking, we make choices every single day that affect the pattern and direction of our lives. It is up to us how we deal with the consequences: what we learn, what we keep and what we leave behind.

over the last 20 years is, treat every day as if it could be your last.
Live it as fully as you are able to.
We make our own choices where we can and we make the best of what we get when we cant.
Deal with what you can today, shelve anything that you can’t and try again at the next opportunity.
Smile, even if you feel like crying.
A smile can help lift the darkest of days.

One Day


One day I wont be here

Not because I didn’t love

But because I loved you to much.



It is Always Too Soon.


It is always too soon.
When you abandon us to sorrow in this world of passing dreams.
All we feel is grief although we sometimes think that nothing is exactly as it seems.
You stand in front of us with arms spread wide to offer an embrace,
But we are blind and cannot even see your loving face.
You are born again into a new reality and you have left this fleeting world behind, –
But we are blind and deaf and dumb, – there is no fault to which we won’t succumb.
You travel to a thousand worlds and try to share with us the wisdom that you find.
And though you call us softly in our dreams, –
The morning comes and we cannot remember what you said or what it means.

“The caterpillar lives in terror of his wings and all the changes that a new life brings.
The chrysalis awakens to a world of mystery and flight.
When your bright new dawn arises in its glory, – when your liberated spirit sings,
Then the only sorrow you will feel is for your loved ones who still struggle in the night.
There is no place for sadness in the world where spirits soars and angels sing”

“In our joyful world, – each heart is bare and all can see the love that’s beating there.
In this place beyond the reach of greed, – there is no loneliness and no despair.
There are lessons to be learned and choices still, – that we must make.
But every heart is free from fear and all the pain which follows in its wake.
Your heart is yearning now, but you will grieve no more, – when you awake.”

Patrick W Kavanagh


I am what is inside not outside

I am my heart slowly beating to my day

I am my throat–thirsting

I am my stomach needing nourishment

I  am my mind–curious to the universe

I am my insides–they have needs,

I am my skin –soaking in the sun

I may be many things unseen

I am spirit

I am all things

~ Tom Ricklefs ~

My Heart

When i don’t hear from you

My heart aches

When i don’t see you

My heart aches

When you smile

My heart skips a beat

When i see your eyes

My heart skips a beat

You are my heart

Absolute Silence

Wrapped in Silence’s soft embrace;
gentling trembling limbs,
soothing racing thoughts with its deep penetrating solace,
weaving through your mind with the skill of a consummate lover,
releasing tension and easing you back into the warm,
mindless drift that heralds sleep.
I value the silence of the pre dawn hours,
it is my confidante,
my counsel,
my friend.